Friday, August 13, 2010
Sometimes it amazes me that I never run out of things to say...but what amazes me even more is that right now, I have so much to say but I can't find a way to say it. It is hard to see someone you love hurting and I find myself not even wanting to talk or think about his pain. Instead, I think I'd rather talk about the Pops I knew before his brain tumor.
I was filing Pops' nails for him the other day so I spent a lot of time studying his hands. I have a thing for hands in general because I believe a person's hands say a lot about him or her. Usually when I meet someone, I'll sneak a look or two at their hands to get an idea of what kind of life that person leads. My Pops' hands speak loudly of his life.
Popop has huge hands, a farm boy's hands. That is one thing that has not changed. His fingers are gnarled and his palms broad and well-worn: the perfect hand to hold. I remember when I was a little girl how small my hand felt when it disappeared into Popop's big, strong hand; I knew I was safe when my hand was wrapped in those hard-working hands. Strong hands that held onto me when the ocean would swirl around my ankles and with a swift tug, pull my legs out from under me. Gentle hands that would clean tar from the beach off my feet and wipe my tears when I played in the ant pile. Firm hands that reminded me of the proper way to behave. Capable hands that helped build the room I grew up in and made the best pancakes on the face of the earth. Rough hands that would slam open and shut every cabinet in the kitchen at 6 in the morning even though my sister and I were sleeping 10 feet away. Patient hands that played hours of Uncle Wiggly with my sister and taught me how to play rummy. Hands that worked on a farm, survived a Depression and a War, raised 5 children, were married for 64 years, and constantly folded in prayer. I love those hands!
I am lucky that I can sit with Pops for a few hours every day and get to hold those hands that I love so much and that did so much for me. My hand still gets lost in his. I look forward to the occasional sentence uttered and the even rarer smile. I love to see the way he looks at my Mimi. He may not remember who I am, but he could never forget his Mae. They are a wonderful example of true love for me as I'm getting ready to start my life with my honey. I've got great grandparents...I'm a lucky girl!
Only a few more days here and then it's back to real life. Wedding countdown is down to 56 days! I can't wait!